Making Sense of yourSELF: Self Study | Self Acceptance | Self Love

A spiritual guidance website and blog of sorts that I check-in with regularly and love shared it’s astrological insight and theme for the current week and New Moon. My cousin shared it with me today, and after reading it I felt inspired to share my response back to her and even dive into it just a little bit more. 

Thank you for reading.

via Mystic Mama: 

it's time to

come home to our whole Self.

 

Feelings that have been dormant

in the underworld of our psyches,

are returning to us like waves

rising toward the shore.

 

The past is knocking on our door,

not because it has come back to haunt us,

but because it has come back to heal us.

 

There is a part of our lives

that we have disconnected from

because it has left a deep wound.

 

These are the imprints that we

would rather forget as we

continue to move rapidly

into our future.

 

But sometimes,

the cycles of Life turn

to bring these pieces from

our past back into our present

for reconciliation and healing.

 

The reclaiming our past is

our soul’s retrieval of power.

 

It’s the reconnaissance of all our

orphaned parts back into ourselves,

back into who we are now.

 

And who we are now is precisely

because of the past we have lived,

not in spite of it.

 

As individuals and as a culture,

we need to make amends

with where we’ve been. 

 

Our histories are all marked

with stories of abuse of power

and we all fall somewhere

within the spectrum.

 

This Cancer New Moon reminds us

that with a compassionate heart,

we can face and embrace all that

has been and all that we are,

and free ourselves from

that which has had

its hold on us. 

 

Thus

opening the way

for us to truly

move forward.

Something that’s been really showing up for me in my practice, my life, has been a theme or idea of things “making sense”. Like our life making sense, where we are in the present making sense because we are willing to do what is being said here- understand our past, understand our older layers and stories, and connect the pieces of our existence and life to just make sense of what is now.  

I went to a funeral last month for one of my private students who was well into her mid-80s.  A seriously amazing woman.  When her eldest daughter was speaking to everyone she said something that kind of began this idea reeling about in my head a little bit more.  She said that something she admired about her mother was that she lived her life the way she wanted, the way that felt right to her, and that at the end of each day and end of her life- she (the daughter) felt so at ease knowing that her mother’s life made sense to her.  That she had let things go, made things happen, and knew everyday that it all made sense.  And that’s maybe the most we can ask for along with the happiness and purpose we strive to feel we have and the surviving of the pains and falls that push us forward.

I think when we look back and recognize our past and we are able to connect it to where we are, we meet ourselves with more gratitude and fullness.  And then the things that maybe we associated as dramas, traumas, stab wounds-they become experiences that brought us to where we are now.  And if there is anything about where we are now that we can truly feel appreciation for, that’s when we can connect to the sense it all makes. When things are hard we stuff the pain from the dramas, traumas, and metaphorical stab wounds which I think is a lot of where that disconnection comes from.  But the disconnection is like the gap that we are always trying to make sense of later. 

It’s a lot of work to “make sense” of your timeline, your journey, your evolution, your life.  It’s not easy.  And I suppose it doesn't all have to make sense.  Maybe it never truly, fully does.  

Nonetheless, I'm trying.  Because my life has been (I have been) pretty messy.  And like all messes, if you don't clean them up, they just get worse. This is part of the process.  And truly, things do make more sense when you acknowledge, connect, and know enough to truly see yourself.  I’m currently working on ways to be kinder and kinder to myself along the way, every day- to not beat down on myself for ever being or making a mess.  But it’s a process I wouldn’t change for anything and I really believe no one would want to either.  Because the things I/we disconnect from are what make it hard for the whole picture to make sense- and I know that’s in large part why it can take so long to "clean up" - look at yourself, get to know yourself, make better choices, do things differently, understand, and feel/see that whole, full picture of who we are. But it’s amazing how quickly we feel more open, free, honest, authentic, and at ease when we do those things.  It still hurts, but that dies down as we no longer have to or even care about putting focus on where the hurt was coming from in the first place.  It’s still hard, but that also dies down as we heal and become stronger more holistically.

We’re constantly finding ourselves and catching up with ourselves.  But I think we all have a higher calling (that itch we get or that voice inside that gives us the feeling that something is off, misunderstood, not at all understood, missing, incomplete), and this practice is the answering of that calling and the process of being true to ourselves so we aren’t playing catch-up with our story and our timeline, but rather we are riding alongside ourselves as much as possible.  Connecting our past absolutely makes that easier- because it allows us to bring everything we’ve ever been to where we are in the present, more consciously.  The puzzle fits.  Our lives make sense.  We make sense.  And we wake up to the continued mystery of life with a fuller acceptance, love and devotion for ourselves. 

Life comes easier when things make sense. 

Things align with less effort when things make sense. 

And that is the gift of doing the work.